I can’t have my sheets rub the inside of my thigh while I sleep or I’ll wake up screaming in fear, I can’t wear curtain pieces of clothes both tight and loose because sometimes they rub me wrong and I WILL have a panic attack. I can’t sleep without pushing my blankets tightly around me so they don’t move to much or I’ll wake up scared in the pitch black. I can’t wear dresses that are above my knee or when they rest on me I’ll just itching so I don’t cry at work.
You always have and always will do whatever you fucking want. You don’t live with fear.
I can’t blame this forever.
I WILL GET STRONGER. I WILL BEAT MY FEAR. I WILL BE BETTER ON THE COME OUT.
One day I will be able to sleep with whatever blanket I want, I will be able to get in bed and fall sleep without being rapped in a cocoon, I will be able to wear the clothes I love, I will be able to do all the things I can’t right now.
And one day you will no longer have ANY control of my life. You will no longer matter at all because even my fear of you will fucking pass.
I will yet again come out bigger. Better. And stronger.
You will remain a fucking rapist who thinks he’s untouchable.
One day you will get all that you deserve. And lord I hope someone is there to see it because I won’t be around your toxic ass to bare witness myself.