I’ve been thinking more about you lately

And it bothers me that when I think of you I can’t just see the monster. I look at you when we were in high school from pictures and I remember you than. My phone notifies me of a picture from 5 years ago of you calling me baby, your one and only, your forever girl and I almost miss it. I almost wish you would have been better to me. But I know that you never could be. I wish you could have been better for us. But we were never what you wanted some days it hurts some days it kills others I hardly remember you exist except when I look at our kids. She has your smile, he has your eyes. But than I realize I don’t want them to grow up like you and try to fill the shoe of the man who broke a women. I want them to be nothing like you. I want her to live without ever feeling the hurt you gave me. I want him to love and to never hurt anyone the way you ever hurt me. I want them to both grow up knowing they’re enough. Even if you never look up and see who these little people turn out to be. I hope and I pray that one day I can take hold of all the strength you mistakenly gave me.

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